


It's Not Enough

by Teapath



Series: The Cursed & The Blessed [1]
Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Loneliness, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Minor Spoilers, Other, Platonic Relationships, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 16:29:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20294536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teapath/pseuds/Teapath
Summary: Momo struggles with the battle of listening to her parents, or listening to her instincts. Having such a strong lure towards her secret older brother Momiji, may just be enough for her to close the bridge in between them. Being a coddled only child is no longer enough for the young heroine.(Third person with a strong focus on Momo. This is Part 1 of the series 'The Cursed & The Blessed.' A story written to better mend Momiji's sad ending, by giving him the one thing he may have wanted even more than Tohru Honda, a familial bond. Please stay tuned for more!)





	It's Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 15 - 20 minute read.

"Let's see here."

The young teacher clicked her tongue as she reached for a slip of paper from the bowl, perched in her lap as she sat on her desk.

"What is Vanishing Twin Syndrome? Good question. It’s what happens when a woman has a set of twins, triplets, or more. Sometimes they will disappear due to an unfortunate miscarriage, or be absorbed by their twin inside of the-"

"EW! BABIES CAN ABSORB EACH OTHER?! DO YOU MEAN I ABSORBED MY SISTER?"

The preteen girls curled into laughter as their puberty education class had, as always, been a bit silly to them. There was always one girl who was shocked by everything she was told, the teacher thought, though glad that she didn’t have to teach the boys.

"Quiet down now. We all know the rules. We can’t laugh when we are pulling questions from the bowl. These are SUPPOSED to be anonymous questions, and I want to answer them so that all of you can be better prepared for the world, and growing up."

Their teacher spoke softly, but they listened to her. All of them finished their light giggles and let her continue to answer the question.

"Twins have a lot of complications. Often times they are born early, and sometimes, like in the case of Vanishing Twin Syndrome, you may not ever get to meet your brother or sister at all."

Momo’s heart wrenched. Never get to meet your sibling at all. Sentences like those always flipped a switch in her. She looked over at her friend Nanami, the one who had the outburst, and clutched her hands under her desk. Her loud friend spoke out again.

"Well that sucks. I already have three brothers, maybe I wanted a sister!"

The class laughed again, but Momo had already spaced out. It was times like these, and words like those that always threw her mind into a selected few memories. They were always centered around a boy she had briefly met, only once at her papa’s company building during one of the several times that she and her mother would go to pick him up from his office. She was quite young, but she felt she remembered it clearly. It was a small moment where her mother reprimanded the boy, (calling him Momiji in a callous tone) about something, and then they were off. That night when they went home together, she made a drawing, with her mama, her papa, herself, and that boy, Momiji. She labeled them as best she could with the few letters that she knew, and made him her brother. She gave it to her mother as a gift.

"He looks like you, see?"

"Oh sweetheart that’s so beautiful...but he is actually your distant cousin, you know? He is someone else’s son. We don’t actually look alike at all."

Momo remembered not feeling very convinced. She put her own drawing on the refrigerator to prove a point.

The next morning her drawing was gone.

"Where did it go mama?"

"Papa said that he loved it so much, that he wanted to take it back to his office. So I let him have it."

"Oh."

She felt her mother look down at her with a bit of pity, knowing the coddling would come soon after. It did. Her mother’s warm arms wrapped around her, and lifted her off of the ground.

"I know you want a brother... maybe some day you can have one but he will have to be your little brother okay? And you know what? I like the name Momiji. Maybe we can use that name."

Momo didn’t know why that idea made her feel sick down into the pits of her stomach. But maybe it was because she knew, that this boy was irreplaceable. How had her mother not understood that?

The next time Momo and Mama met Papa back at his building, Momo had wandered around her papa’s office to look for the drawing.

"Oh, yes little peach. Don’t be mad but err, I lost the drawing. I loved it so much but now I can’t find it. If you’d like, you can make another one. Instead this time, why don’t you draw just the three of us? I love our little family just the way it is. Don’t you? Aren’t we enough?"

As her class continued their buzz, Momo thoughts continued on the same track that they had several times before. It moved on to the time that she and her parents were on a picnic. She had mentioned again, the Sohma boy who lived on the inside and looked like her mama. When she laid down on the blanket, her typically doting parents started talking about it. They must have thought that she was asleep.

"I don’t know why she says that child looks like me. I can take one look at him and tell that he’s not even German. If I were to take a guess, I would say he’s half Russian."

"Yes dear, very perceptive. If I remember correctly, that _is_ what I have been told. Besides, we have the child that we want right here."

The child they want? She thought that cold. Did that mean that if Momiji was her brother, that they wouldn’t have wanted him? But why? She could tell on their brief meeting alone that Momiji would be a perfect older brother, and so of course would be the perfect son. Why wouldn’t they want him?

Momo didn’t know why that entire collection of memories always haunted her. All she knew, was that inside of those memories, and those interactions, there was a creeping feeling of secrets and deceit. That feeling returned every time she ever mentioned having siblings, wanting siblings, or wanting an older brother. Then it would worsen even further every time she mentioned Momiji.

She always asked herself one question.

What was it about Momiji that brought out something so ugly in her parents?

* * *

Momo’s loud friend Nanami was also a Sohma. The two of them had gotten close over the last few months, and the end of the third semester was coming soon. Next year the two of them would be entering their first year of middle school, which meant that they were both 13 years old. 

Momo felt lucky to have a friend at the Sohma compound. The only problem was that even though they were technically neighbors, they were separated by a wall. Nanami lived on the inside, as it was deemed. Which meant that Momo was left on the outside, among about a hundred other Sohma’s. The two of them had recently discovered a small hole under the wall that Momo could crawl through, so that the two of them could talk and play games during the school breaks.

They had always walked back to the compound with a couple of other Sohma’s some of which went to the same school, and some which went to others. They were of varying ages and genders, but only Nanami lived on the inside. On occasion the walks to or from school were all about the outside Sohma’s trying to pry the family secrets out of Na-chan. Momo wondered if Na-Chan actually knew anything, assuming there were secrets at all, but often decided to let it all go since the others would prod her about it as much as they did.

She was however, grateful to have a few other Sohma’s to walk back with. It always made her mother and father feel less worried, and gave her the bit of independence that she had been craving.

"You’ve been quiet Mo-chan. Is something bothering you?" Nanami poked her as they walked behind the others.

"Oh.."

Momo gave her a small smile, she almost tried a faint laugh but it couldn’t come out.

"No no, I guess I’m just thinking about what middle school is going to be like."

"Okay. If you say so."

Nanami continued, speaking in an almost bolstering tone that washed over Momo's feelings, as preteens sometimes do.

"I’ve been thinking about my twin all day. It’s so weird to think that I’m supposed to have a sister. ..oh sorry. I guess that doesn’t make any sense. You wouldn’t really know what it’s like to have siblings, or to feel like you should have one. ...It’s like there’s a hole in your chest and you’re not sure why. It feels like it’ll be impossible to fill up."

Momo listened intently, the two of them neared the entrance to the inside of the Sohma compound, she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by how lightly Nanami said those words. It bothered her a lot. But maybe she was right... Momo doesn’t know what it’s like to have a sibling. She has no idea at all. She only ever had her parents, she thought.

"No. I guess I don’t know what that’s like..." The usually cheerful face, and bright eyes, dropped with her tone.

"You sure you don’t want to hang out?" Nanami reconsidered sympathy.

Momo smiled. She thought she could have done better at hiding her thoughts and feelings.

"Yes I’m fine."

Taking her for her word, the two of them departed and Momo made her way back towards her home. As she reached her house her mother was already putting out some snacks for her to grab. Some rice crackers, and some mixed fruit.

"Welcome home sweetie! How was your day?"

Momo slipped out of her shoes, and grabbed the crackers as she received a head kiss that parted her hair. She smiled up at her mama, and unwrapped the crackers carefully, as to not drop crumbs.

"It was fun! It seems like everyone is ready for the school year to end."

"Yeah? You ready for the closing ceremony?"

"Mmhm."

Her mother laughed. It was always a warm laugh, and Momo couldn’t help but smile just a little bit. She chewed on her snack as she opened her bag up to look for some papers her mother had to sign.

"Ah! I forgot to give Na-Chan the book I borrowed! Can I call her real quick to meet me outside?"

"Yes, but go change first. There is no need to rush, peach. I’m sure she is on her way right now."

Momo took a deep breath. That wasn’t likely, but she was glad to have her mom there to slow her down sometimes. She headed up to her room, put some of her things away and then changed into normal, warm, spring attire, and her favorite socks with pink lace. Hanging up her uniform she put on a light jacket, and then headed back down the stairs to see her mom stirring what she believed to be Miso soup. She smiled when she saw her mama already holding out the phone attached to its curly cord.

She thanked her, and then dialed for Nanami’s home, where her mother answered. She handed the phone to Nanami, and then all was sorted out as the two of them used code words, which decided that Momo was just going to sneak in through the dog made hole under the wall, or as they like to call it, the secret entrance. Momo ran out with the book, after eating the rest of her snack and snuck towards the secret entrance.

After getting inside, she snuck all the way to the backyard of her friend, gave her her book, and then they gave each other their last goodbye. It was as sentimental as it had been the first time. Short and as ordinary as any other, with the exception that she wasn't supposed to be there. 

‘It’s like a hole in your chest, that is impossible to fill up.’ Nanami's words hit her again as she made her way back into that random Sohma's backyard, which held her exit. The distracting thought made her walk a little slower.

'Is that how I feel?' She wondered. 'An ache that can’t be healed? A tear that can’t be patched? A puzzle with a missing piece?'

She slowed, and stopped in her tracks as the golden haired Momiji entered back into her mind.

Why did she have such a lure towards him? She’d seen him briefly only a few times, but she just knew somewhere in the deepest part of her heart that he was the answer to her secret loneliness.

Suddenly, she heard a door slide open. She crouched down behind the hedges, and stared, panicked at her exit.

Family or not, she was after all in some strangers back yard. Her nerves rushed as she thought about the idea of being caught. There were rumors about the head of the family, and whispers that always spread around on the inside of the compound. She held her hand over her mouth as she tried to keep her noisy breathing to a minimum.

'Just be quiet, and stay still. I’m small enough, they won’t find me.’ She tried to stay calm as she thought about her options. 

The hole she could crawl through was so close, she knew she could escape if she just rushed out, but she also didn’t want to take the chance of being seen, or recognized. Not to mention, if they found out about her secret entrance, they could close it up. If that happened she’d never be able to come back and hang out with Nanami on the inside.

How foolish she was to get distracted while she was supposed to be sneaking around.

"Yes Papa, I’ve been studying for my exams hard every day! I'm good at that!"

Momo's heart drops, as she peers hard through the bush to see a boy holding a phone to his ear as he sits on his porch, swinging his legs. That familiar blonde hair that matches her mother, the eyes, his skin tone, and even his mannerisms.

It was him, Momiji Sohma. The boy she always wanted for an older brother.

* * *

Momo couldn’t make herself leave after her eyes locked on to him. She stared at his pink clothes, his hat, she looked inside his room to see a bunny back pack, and a pastel decorated bedroom. His voice was so youthful, and so cheerful. She couldn’t help but make up the stories in her head about how wonderful a person he was. Kind in every way, like a prince she thought. She thought about how good he probably was at tag, how smart he was at school, and how many friends he had. She wondered about any siblings he might have, or how loving his parents probably were.

She wanted to walk up to him so badly. To talk to him, even if just for a little while.

"Alright, yes Papa... okay..."

Her thoughts stopped as she wondered why he sounded so sad, oh how she wished she could muster up the courage to ask him. She watched him as he hung up his phone, and set his hands down in his lap. His legs had stopped swaying, his eyes were no longer sparkling from the sun.

What could his papa have said that took away his warmth?

She thought to herself in that moment, without knowing who was on his phone, that he deserved a better papa.

Momiji wandered slowly back into his room holding the phone box, and letting all of the wires drag behind him. His steps were light and slow, and his arms didn’t sway like she felt like they probably usually did. There was only a second where her eyes looked at the exit, but she knew already that she didn’t have the desire to leave. Her eyes went back to the boy, or what little she could see from her spot behind the bushes. The hedges hid him almost as well as it hid her, and it took a lot of focus too see much of his room. So the young girl just watched as pieces of his silhouette moved around the room. Finally he wandered back outside, and sat back down.

She couldn’t figure out what he was doing until it hit her ears.

The music was so sweet, and the way Momiji played the violin was so lovely. She thought that maybe he was the best musician alive. All of the nerves that she had about being caught slipped away from her. His music soothed the world in between them, and forced her to sink into the cold ground, that didn't feel so cold. Lying down in the grass and dirt, she could see him better from under the hedges. But instead she closed her eyes. She pretended that the two of them were side by side, and that he was playing it all for her. In her mind, there was no one else who could hear it, the melody he played so softly, it was all for only them.

She didn’t realize that there were tears welling up behind her eyelids, even as it hit her hand. At this moment nothing mattered to her but the song, their song, which kept her safe from sadness, loneliness, and the demons that haunt her thoughts. She wondered if the melody came from his very soul, and felt somewhere in her heart that it was now true to hers. This left a very important question.

The two of them. They are the same, aren’t they?

He played for a very long time, though to Momo, not long enough. Her eyes opened after she had listened to his entire performance. She looked over at him to see if he was going to play anymore.

“One more.” She whispered, but he could not hear her.

The type of loneliness that he had fended off bravely with his violin came back to her. However, it was only when he went back inside that she realized how much he had fended off. Then she realized how late it was. She had probably been gone for at least an entire hour, laying in the dirt, with the tears she was now wiping out of her eyes. She scattered out the exit, and then ran all the way home with limbs she only just realized were numb. As she ran she, did her best to dust off the dirt, and pull foliage out of her hair. By the time she reached her front yard, her mom had met her out there.

"Where were you?! I was so worried! That shouldn’t have taken so long. You were gone for two hours!"

Two hours? She thought at most it was one.

"I’m sorry mama I lost track of time I-"

"You’re covered in dirt! What happened?"

"Well I was laying down-"

"Laying down?! On the ground?! In March?! You’re going to catch a cold!"

"I’m sorry mama I just-"

"Come on let’s get you inside! Bath now before your papa gets home! He’s rushing home early from work because we were worried about you! And when I called Na-chan, she said she didn’t know where you went either! Wasn’t she supposed to meet you for the book?" Momo was rushed inside as she tried to answer.

"She did, I just wanted to stay outside a little longer, so I went for a walk, and then laid down..."

The two of them got back inside, and Momo did as instructed. She was for the most part honest, she just didn’t necessarily give away all of the details. She didn’t tell her mother about Momiji, she didn’t mention the violin, and she definitely didn’t mention her secret entrance. In the bath Momo cleaned herself off, she cleaned her hair and noticed all of the dirt she got on her white head band...but her mind was solely on the music, and that hole in her heart that Nanami talked about.

She thought... just for a second, that Momiji’s music had briefly closed that hole.

* * *

Dinner that night was bland. After Momo’s papa had been filled in, Momo had gone quiet. The parents had to resort to entertaining each other with talks about work and other boring news. Her mother liked to occasionally update them on what was going on in Germany, with her family, or other events. Sometimes it was the political nonsense that Momo never listened to, sometimes it was some news about a catastrophe, crazy weather, a disease breakout, or even some violent act by some crazy man. This time she gossiped a little bit about her sister.

"I think my sister is trying to have a baby. Or maybe she is pregnant. She mentioned being sick, and it sounded like morning sickness to me."

Her father always nodded and smiled, sometimes at the wrong times, but this wasn’t one of those times.

"Yeah good good. What do you think about-"

"Mama, Papa, I want to play the violin."

Wait.. did that just slip out? It must have. Their chopsticks stopped moving, and their eyes were focused on their only child. Momo swallowed. She was ever so rarely demanding of anything, and was very well behaved. She met her fathers eyes as he swallowed and set his rice bowl down.

"Well you know, I do know of some classes that you can take..."

"Really?!" Momo beamed.

This was it, this was her chance to meet her brother. She could learn his music, she could play with him. They could be siblings at last! She looked at her mom who was still a bit surprised by the sudden outburst.

"Well..Alright....But where did that come from?"

"I...I just want to learn how to play. I think it’s a pretty instrument. Papa always says to learn a little bit of everything... right? Music is a part of everything."

She looked at her father who was pleased that she wanted to add more to her life, he was scared his daughter might have felt a bit stuck in her interests, after quitting dance lessons. He also always loved when his lessons stuck with her.

"Let’s make it happen then."

That night Momo laid awake in bed. She was ecstatic. This was her first opening, her chance into the world that she wanted to live in.

If she could become a musician, she had more chances of running into him, and it’s very likely that she’d have the same instructor as another Sohma right? Any local instructors of the violin would have met Momiji, because, she thought, he was too talented for that not to be true. Then perhaps she could get him to tutor her, and then maybe, just maybe she could ask him to be her brother. That was her thought, and it was the good dream that helped her fall into a very restful sleep.

* * *

Her last year of elementary school came to an end, and spring vacation began, so Momo began her violin lessons. Her father had found her the best teacher he could find, just as he had promised. And every day that she could, she had a session. The classes she had were small. Most of the students were close to the same age, but she did not see any faces that she knew, as they all came from different schools. She was a bit sad that she didn’t find Momiji Sohma in her class within the first few days, but decided that she would stay determined. She could still get to him if she stayed on this path.

As the first week of the break went on, it didn’t come as naturally to her as she felt like it probably did for Momiji. The notes confused her, and the violin felt much heavier than it looked. Her arms struggled to hold it right, and there were points were she felt left behind. To make it worse, when she finally found the first song that Momiji had played it was much too advanced for her. Despite her frustrations she was far from giving up.

Finally, the last class of spring break came, and before their teacher got there, everyone started to tune their violins and warm up. Momo attempted to as well, with help from the other students, who were kind enough to get her started on some of the strings.

"You’re Sohma right?" They had already forgotten her name.

"Yes. Momo Sohma."

"You look a lot like a different Sohma we would see sometimes."

"I do?"

"Yeah he was really talented. Sometimes he would teach us a little bit. But it seemed like his talents were far above everyone here." The boy chuckled.

Momo sat up. It had to be him right? It had to be!

"What was his first name?"

"Um.. Momiji-Senpai."

Momo felt herself light up, her shoulders lifting with excitement. He was there! She thought perhaps he was in a more advanced class now. Or perhaps took a break for vacation. If she could just keep learning, she could reach him! He was there right in her grasps.

"But it’s too bad about what happened to him." The boy’s continued to chatter.

"Yeah.." Another student chimed in.

Momo froze. She almost didn't want to ask her next question.

"What happened to him?"

"Well he quit."

Momo dropped her violin, as she fell from her high place.

How did this happen? How could he quit? How had she lost him before she was able to grab him? They were supposed to play together! That was the whole point of her learning!

* * *

Despite her growing despair, the class went on. Momo tried her best, but felt off ever since learning that Momiji had stopped classes. It was hard to tell if she was more disappointed that he gave up something that she felt he was so clearly passionate about, or if it was more disappointing that she lost her chance of a grip on him. Why had he stopped? Did he hate playing now? How could someone so talented decide to leave the thing that they loved?

When the class was over their teacher pulled her aside to ask what was wrong. The others had already begun to pack up their instruments, but Momo had stared a little dead eyed at the ground. She barely looked up at their sensei, as she asked her about her troubles.

"Sohma, Momiji-san... the other students said he quit.. is that true? I wanted to be in the same class as him."

"Oh I see... yes it’s true he quit... right before you started I’m afraid."

Momo sank down again. She was so eager this whole time, and wondered if it was all for naught. How did this happen? If only she had started earlier. Would a week have done it?

When she returned home that evening, Momo left to go on a “walk.” She ran out of her home towards her secret entrance.

Before she even hit the wall, music was pouring over it from Momiji’s violin. She caught her breath as a sigh escaped. She felt a swarm of relief. He hadn’t quit playing the violin like she had feared, at least this much is true. She was still disappointed that the two of them could not be together in the same class, but at least this. At least he still had this, at least _she_ still had this. Some day soon, she thought, they would have it together.

When she slipped in through the wall she stayed low. Momiji was inside this time, his windows were cracked. She could not see him, but to hear him she thought was enough. She sat down, and closed her eyes. There was no where else in this world that she would rather be. His music reached out to her. It clung to her, and wrapped around her safely. Even a storm could not stop her from being here right now. The hole in her heart could be filled momentarily, and she could pretend again that they were sitting together. She could pretend he was playing for her, she could pretend that they were playing together.

"I love our little family just the way it is. Don’t you? Aren’t we enough?" Momo’s eyes opened as she remembered her fathers distant words, and she finally had an answer.

"No papa, we are not enough."

**Author's Note:**

> (These notes are dedicated to my thought process.) 
> 
> \- I had my first S Ed class in my 4th grade, and another in 6th. They talked more about puberty than anything else. In my 6th grade year we had to do a fishbowl and we would submit anonymous questions. I have older siblings, so at the time I thought I knew everything. I always asked really weird questions, that were only partially relevant. I feel like Nanami does the same. 
> 
> -Apparently Japan isn't big on S Ed classes, so I know the accuracy is lacking, but I think they are important classes so I went ahead and left that part of the story in there. 
> 
> -I have a childhood friend who absorbed her twin. I think I based a small part of Nanami's personality on her. Nanami is just a temporary original character, I doubt I will make anything out of her outside of this story.
> 
> \- Momo is a little bit more mature in this story than she shows in the manga. The manga was not consistent about her age, and so I did have to change it up a bit to write this story. She also does NOT talk about herself in third person, though may in some old memories.
> 
> -Momo's name means peach. I learned this from watching Avatar the Last Airbender. The lemur steals the peach from Sokka and so is called Peach (Momo) by Aang. 
> 
> -I low key decided that the hole under the wall was made by Shigure. Wonder what the heck he was doing?
> 
> -I tried a few times to learn how to play an instrument. I would have loved to write scores for movies or games... but my family is instrumentally stunted. I don't know if I have a single relative that can play anything. Momo is going to join me and my instrument ineptitude.
> 
> -I always feel bad for only children. I can't imagine a life without my three siblings. Momo may suffer bad writing from my own inexperience. So to the only child readers out there, I apologize. BUT it is very likely that this is more of a story for siblings anyways. 
> 
> I STILL HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS


End file.
